


A Metaphysical Life For Me

by chocoholic2



Series: A Pirate's Life For Me [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Crack, Gen, Meta, Metaphysics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:12:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocoholic2/pseuds/chocoholic2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In honor of April Fool's Day, a cracky Interlude that takes place before "A Pirate's Life For Me."</p><p>John Johnson, captain of the <i>Samwell</i>, passes down his ship to Jack Zimmermann and totally confuses him about the nature of truth in an alternate universe in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Metaphysical Life For Me

**Author's Note:**

> I promise the next chapter of the actual pirate AU will be coming soon!
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy this cracky ficlet that came to me in the shower.
> 
> Happy April Fool's Day!

**Jack Zimmermann:** You wanted to see me, Captain?

**John Johnson:** Yes, Jack, come in. Please sit. Or stand. It doesn't really matter, since the author didn't bother to block any of this out.

**JZ:** Um, okay…

**JJ:** I wanted to speak with you to let you know that I plan to step down as captain, and I think you should replace me.

**JZ:** That would be an honor, sir, but are you sure--

**JJ:** Oh yes, it's the only way to complete the metaphor mapping between your captaincy in the comic and you being a captain in this pirate AU.

**JZ:** …

**JJ:** And, you know, you have all the character traits of a captain. You're smart, capable, loyal, blah, blah, blah.

**JZ:** Um, thank you?

**JJ:** You're welcome.

**JZ:** Where are you going to go? 

**JJ:** I was thinking of hiking the Appalachian Trail, or maybe going to Canada and inventing hockey 100 years early or so.

**JZ:** What's hockey?

**JJ:** Ha! This is the beauty of an alternate universe. Can anyone imagine you saying something like that in canon?

**JZ:** Cannon?

**JJ:** Wrong canon, bro.

**JZ:** What do you mean when you say “alternate universe?”

**JJ:** You know, I've been thinking about that quite a bit. The whole concept plays on the fact that there is one true universe and that AU’s are off-shoots or derivations of that true universe. But if the so-called “true universe” is also fiction, then how is an AU any less true. It's like a fiction within a fiction, Inception-style.

**JZ:** Inception?

**JJ:** Another fiction! The whole thing is like the concept of infinite sets. If you have an infinite set of infinite sets, is it really any bigger than one set that is already infinite? If you have an alternate fictional reality, is it any less true than an original fictional universe? Especially when that original ‘verse is technically just an AU of reality. I mean, Beyonce exists in Check Please, but readers of the comic can't just look up Eric Bittle’s YouTube vlog. I know you guys would love that.

**JZ:** Huh?

**JJ:** Anyway, Jack, you should be the next captain of the  _ Samwell.  _ You'll obviously get it, because it's the author’s decision, not yours, but I hope one day you realize that you deserve it too.

**JZ:** Um, okay… I'll try?

**JJ:** Oh! And before I forget, in about a year or so, you'll be sailing near a ship heading for England. You'll want to raid it, even though it's the middle of the night. I know you would never do that usually, because it will be pitch black, and there's obviously no electric lights on a pirate ship, and lanterns with candles are stupidly dangerous to use during a raid when there's a high likelihood of knocking them over and destroying a wooden boat, but the author was focused on dramatic effect and not the practicalities of life at sea. Anyway, you'll want to board the ship, because there's something incredibly important and valuable on it.

**JZ:** The Stanley Cup?

**JJ:** Not quite… Not all treasure is silver and gold, Jack. One day, you’ll realize that the real booty was the booty all along.

**JZ:** What?

**JJ:** Ha ha, I crack myself up.


End file.
